However, yesterday we had our second snow storm of the season. Even though I normally find snow a beautiful thing, I haven't been seeing much beauty in anything. During the first snow of the season, my daughter said "isn't this so beautiful, I just love snow." I looked at her with as much disbelief as I could and I said " ya what ever." She wasn't to be deterred though and went on to explain all the reasons she thought it was beautiful.
I was a little resentful that she could see the beauty of the situation and I couldn't. I thought how could she be seeing anything beautiful when the only thing I was seeing was long months of depression, cold, working cutting wood and short days.
Also, I enjoy the changing of the colors in the Autumn season. This year how ever, it seemed we had about one week of fall where the leaves started to change and then snow. Most of the trees still had leaves on the branches when the first snow hit. I felt deprived of the beauties of Autumn.
As I stated at the first of this post, yesterday opened my eyes a little. The second snow storm had hit. It wasn't a very big storm but I was feeling very gloomy. I was struggling with the weight of unemployment and the feeling of not seeming to be useful when it happened.
Suddenly, I realized that the sun was struggling and fighting to break through the clouds. I mentioned to my wife that she needed to look because that might be the only bright spot we would see all day. A minute or to later the sun was out completely. There was a large hole in the clouds and the sun was warming the outdoors.
I appreciated seeing the sun and briefly it brought a measure of warmth to my soul. However, it seemed I lapsed back into my depression and it seemed, if anything, to deepen. I went to bed early last night just worn out from my inability to see anything of beauty in my life. I was totally discouraged.
This morning I awoke about 2:30am and as I laid in bed, I was thinking about life. Suddenly the remembrance of the sun struggling and fighting then finally breaking through the clouds came to me. I realized that even the sun at times struggles and fights to shine forth with all of it's brilliance. And even though I find snow beautiful, the beautiful thing for me yesterday came from watching the struggling of the sun.
I am not saying that my depression has been cured or that I won't lapse back into a not so beautiful state of mind but I do appreciate the Lord helping me to remember a beautiful moment, when at first I failed to see it.
As the Hymn says, "there is beauty all around", we just need to be willing to struggle and fight to see it.
It is snowing again, I wonder what can be found that is beautiful in this storm?
1 comment:
Dad I know it is hard for you now and has been hard for you the past 15 months but we want you to know that you have a BIG family that loves you very much.
I wish there was something we could do to help you. You have always been there for us and we know that there is no way to repay you but we want to be able give back what we can. If you need anything let us know.
We all have the right to pursue happiness and often times its in the pursuit that we find the happiness.
This world is a beautiful place. It was created for us by a loving Heavenly Father. He loves us all very much. I know that he puts us in the refiners fire and it is hard when he does but without it we can grow and become beautiful ourselves. I know that you have had your fair share of time in the refiners fire and I also know that you are one of the most beautiful people I have the honor and privilege to know.
The Lord is with you dad. He is there watching over you and He knows the trials you are facing and what you will face in the future. He has taken on everything of the flesh and knows how to succor his people. Like the poem "Footprints", He is carrying you right now.
Just remember, even the sun struggles sometimes to shine through, but when it does shine it is the most beautiful of all and with its light we can see the beauty all around us.
WE LOVE YOU!!
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